Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just pee around me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
