I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
