Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
God, I missed his penis.
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