Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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