you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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