people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it was like eating out sand paper
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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