i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
