apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
