the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
