I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
