So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I showed him my bush... on skype.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
