turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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