Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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