Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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