Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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