Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
