im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
