Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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