Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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