i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
