Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
