The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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