3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
