I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
