I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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