What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
