i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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