Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
