Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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