so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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