Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
