Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
