coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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