I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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