I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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