Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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