I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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