Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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