he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
