We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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