I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
