The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
