she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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