Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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