So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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