just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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