we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
