Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
