is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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