I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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