I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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