I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
