i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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